Our friend James Moes, who recently joined the Orthodox Church, invited us to his wedding last month. This was Shannon and my first joint experience of an Orthodox wedding and there were some definite differences from a typical Western wedding.
Here is a brief list of some of the main differences between an Orthodox wedding and a Protestant one:
• Matrimony is a sacrament in the Eastern Orthodox Church. A sacrament, or holy mystery, is a physical object or ritual that acts as a vessel for divine grace. Marriage is one of seven officially recognized holy mysteries, although the enumeration of those seven is not meant to exclude other sacraments. Indeed, all of life can be sacramental, that is, a vessel of divine grace. Most Protestants recognize only baptism and communion as "official" sacraments.
• The wedding ceremony is very similar to a Sunday morning liturgy (which, I suppose, is not a very helpful statement if you haven't experienced an Orthodox liturgy). One of the things I love about it is the full, standing participation of the congregation. Through singing/chanting every attendee can actively participate in worshipping God, and in blessing and supporting the couple.
• For most of the ceremony there is little room for the preference of the couple. This, in my opinion, is a good thing. For Shannon and me, who had a very contemporary Western wedding, little choices—like, Should we have a unity candle?, If so, should we extinguish our individual flames? Should we take communion together? What Bible passage(s) should be read aloud?—all these little decisions were part of the fun of planning our Protestant wedding but they were also a source of unnecessary toil and worry. While arguably important, these little details oughtn't be the couple's focus as they prepare for their life together. Orthodox weddings cut out that distraction: the reading is prescribed (The Wedding of Cana), and most of the ceremony is exactly the same as my Orthodox grandparents'.
• The ceremony is actually split into two parts, formerly held as two separate events, but now celebrated together:
The Betrothal: This part takes place either outside or in the narthex, just outside the nave (the main part of the church). Similar to Western tradition, rings are exchanged, but they are worn on the right hand and are exchanged numerous times, with the wife wearing the husband's ring and vice versa. This multiplicity of exchanges symbolizes the mutual enrichment that will constantly transpire between husband and wife for the rest of their lives. The former difference—rings on right hands—is a mere cultural triviality, however, and not a significant departure.
What is a major difference is the absence of vows. The Church is not the granter of married status or a legal entity drawing up a juridical contract. Instead, the ceremony is the Church's way of formally recognizing and blessing the indissoluble spiritual bond of human love that is already a developing reality for the couple.
The Crowning: For this second portion of the matrimonial process, the couple moves into the nave where, amid the typical chantings and blessings, they receive crowns. These, depending on the tradition, can be made of gold and silver, or leaves and flowers. The crowns are crowns of celebration but also of martyrdom, since marriage will demand constant self-sacrifice.
At the end of this portion, the couple drink from the same cup of wine, an act that begins their shared life together and recalls Christ's miraculous blessing at the wedding of Cana.
The priest also doesn't say, "You may now kiss the bride." And I don't remember any official pronouncement of man and wife or Mr. and Mrs.
The Reception: At the Moes' wedding at least, the reception was not markedly different from a Western celebration. In fact, I guess you could say it was a Western celebration as it was just a party to celebrate the new couple, where cultural, familial and personal preferences were given free reign. There was dinner, dancing, toasts, garter and bouquet tosses, beautiful personalized decorations, and all the typical merriment—nothing especially Orthodox about it.
*We will also be posting some pictures and thoughts from the Moes wedding at our family blog Rushcapades.
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Brian, here's the requested groom's thoughts:
I have little to say, just as I said very little that day.
Our wedding was the first orthodox wedding we ever attended. And we never performed a rehearsal to ensure proper liturgical rubrics. We did watch a couple orthodox weddings on videotape in the months running up, but beyond that, we were fairly naive, but had faith that it would be right, regardless of minor hiccups.
It was very beautiful. A candlelit sanctuary packed full of familiar faces of friends and family - with standing room only - as planned. The majority of the service had us facing the iconostasis (the screen/wall of icons between the main sanctuary space and the altar). It was comfortable not having to face all the eyes wanting to look at us; and instead, being able to stand together, facing Christ and his saints, while prayers & songs were sung all around us. And it was like this for an hour: a truly wonderful space of rest and alignment before eating-talking-worrying-partying-dancing-et-cetera-ing.
For the most part, people's responses to the orthodox service have been unspoken, as we haven't sought people's reactions, and honestly aren't too interested in seeking out everybody's personal opinion over the sacred ceremony which gave birth to our marriage. That said, it was a joy to see the joy on a friend's face who spoke giddily of the service being refreshing for her: all about Christ and not just about the couple. And we hope there were others, standing with us and facing the cloud of witnesses painted on the iconostasis, who were able to see the joy, witness the faith, and be left with a call to holiness and worship.
Note: Two weeks later, my former roommate & orthodox sponsor David Pasivirta was married to his beloved Laurenn. It was good to witness another orthodox wedding -- although as the official wedding photographer I was sort of working throughout the ceremony. There were some liturgical & stylistic differences within that service - albeit minor.
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